Keeping cool when losing control

I, on a day to day basis, have about 90% of the day "under control". Its how I operate. I want to do what I want to do and usually we get it done. Today I wanted to go check out some camo zip up hoodies at old navy, then run by Kroger to get the last of my weeks necessities.
I had a simple return to do for my husband at sears. This is when I think it all started to go wrong. For whatever reason my easy baby was crying, not loud but was obviously not happy with me. I pulled him out to go into sears and he went "CRAZY" on me. He was inconsolable. I chalked it up to being hungry and fed him. I even loosed his diaper (in retrospect this is where It all went wrong) thinking it was pinching the top of his superfat legs. He seemed to settle down and chill out. We then headed to old navy. Got everyone out of the car. The boys are so obsessed w/ this silly blimp that has been flying over town. Jacob about runs into the street looking at it, but all was good with one small order to get his butt on the curb.

We entered Old Navy were barely there long enough to walk back to the toddler section when Jacob starts to request to go to the bathroom because he needs to poop. He did this very loud using those words. So as any good mother who has now been thrown under the bus, we dropped everything and headed around the corner. I let Jacob go in while me, Trenton, and Nathan stand right outside the bathroom seeing as Trentons carrier was in a huge shopping cart that would not fit in the bathroom. I kept my foot on the door to keep it open asking every 10 seconds or so if he is done. I bend over and peek under the stall to see two empty shoes, and a pair of shorts w/ underwear in them sitting on the floor by themselves. He has completely disrobed and mounted the toilet backwards (because God forbid he sit forward to go to the bathroom on a toilet seat that is NOT a complete circle). Great I am thinking..  we are definitely doing a long hand washing. I peer over to the sink to make sure there is soap when I notice that its one of those wonderful bathrooms w/ no hand towels, just a weak blower that might as well not work and waste electricity. I know your thinking "what in the world did Jacob Tanner do this time?" But in fact it was Trenton that was about to ruin my day.

Nathan was next to Trenton playing on my phone in the hall right outside of the bathroom door. I walk into the bathroom to assist Jacob, while waiting for him to dress I check on Nathan who is "guarding the baby" and my purse. Nathan informs me that Trenton farted "VERY LOUD". While constantly asking Jacob to get off the potty and get dressed for the 14th time I grabbed the baby, my purse and Nathan and yolked them all in the bathroom because I cant be in two places at one time. Reluctant to put my bag on the ground I pull out the changing station and put it there and tell Nathan to just stand against the wall and NOT sit down. I get Jacobs hands washed, wipe his hands on my pants when Trenton lets out the 2nd of his #2 unloads. I figure at that point change him b/c I am right there. I look down to unbuckle the child when ...."WHAT THE >>>>>>OH YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME" There is poop.. its everywhere.. its on the buckle, on the pad, on the straps, on his onesie, its leaking down the straps into the bottom of his seat and yes remember that little tid bit I noted earlier about the paper towels? Yeah thats right, there are NONE. There is also no trash can, and there is also about 1/8 of the wipes left in my pack of 90 wipes.

How I kept my cool I will never know. Three ladies came in to use the restroom so while trying to change a baby (who's onesie had to go OVER his head...that he cant control ..(there goes two wipes i didnt account for) I was NOT happy!) I had to keep Jacob from not sitting on the floor and NOT peeking in the stalhs of these poor women who walked into my bad situation. One lady walks in and her grandson threw up all over her. She asks to borrow a wipe (there goes another one i REALLY needed) So i got Trenton changed and cleaned, I wiped out what I could in the seat that was touching him(I even washed a wipe and reused it I got so desperate). I laid down the blanket I had with me (THANK THE LORD!) and tried to wrap him where the poop straps would not touch him ( i did think about stealing J's seat and turning it backwards, then putting J in N's seat and just buckling N.. but the freak in me thought thats 45 mins of hard work I dont have time for) I picked up the carrier to find poop leaked through the holes at the bottom down the strap and was on the floor! Oh lord really? Give a girl a break here.

I got it cleaned up and got home. I have a few choice words for the inventor of Chicco car seats and how I am not happy w/ the design to get the center buckle off the seat. Grrrrrrr.. They tell you not to wash the straps or soak them in water because they had flame retardants on them but what other option do I have? Really?

Well Brian had plans tonight but they will be put on hold a while seeing as I cant go anywhere b/c i have one totally wet car seat cover/straps. Which by the way cannot be dried in a dryer.. another complaint I would like to voice.

Did i mention that whip cream vodka and sunny D smooth taste delicious? This is my life.

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